5 Tips for a Fulfilled Christmas in Tough Times

Christina, VanillaPearl wishes you Merry Christmas , the black winter coat is from Arcanum

How to fill this day with light despite your problems

The sourroudings are Christmassy and festive.

Everyone is walking through the streets buying lovely Christmas gifts. On facebook and instagram, you see shiny happy faces in front of fantastic Christmas trees. You`re being flooded by family pictures with happy people.


You start to feel sick. The pain pierces through your body like a dull poll.

Why do these images of happiness cause such pain and suffering?

Why does this very day, the  most festive and important day of the year trigger marital disputes, deep despair  and grief about our illness?

Why can`t we celebrate blithely and happily like all others?

Why does this pain just keep on drilling even deeper inside of us?

Do you feel this emptiness inside of you?


Are you wondering what it`s all about?

Have you lost your purpose?

Are you fighting back tears instead of laughing like all these bright faces?

The first Christmas after my separation wasn`t really thrilling. The wounds were still fresh and my kids were celebrating with their father. I felt miserable. My heart was aching. Grit you teeth and get to it, I thought. But then I paused.

Shouldn`t we celecrate love on this very day?

I lit a candle and felt that warmth radiating from it.

Even in tough and dull times, we can fill the room with light and warmth, just like a candle. When we feel the power of love we can understand that the pain is part of  it. I was listening to the silence and to my inner voice. Wunds take time to heal, but they do heal. I pulled myself together and traded my self pity in for gratitude. My favorite dish and my favorite music were waiting for me and it turned into an especially intense evening with joy and gusto.

With the help of small rituals and exercises you can learn to transform painful moments into warm ones. I had to learn to do so myself and often I had a hard time. But at some point, it was those very small things that made a difference in my life.

  1. Become aware that the aforementioned day will come. So don`t suppress it, but rather deal with it deliberately and write down what`s bothering you and what is the cause for this pain. If you do this a few times, you won`t be flabbergasted when Christmas suddenly knocks on your door.
  2. Start celebrating rituals. Write down exactly what makes you happy. A certain kind of music, a smell, a special dish or candles. Build a small altar and put your favorite stuff on it, such as pictures, a flower, anything that`s dear to your heart, that makes you happy or that you wish to put there. Visit this special place at least omce a day, express desires and tell yourself that they will come true. Your faith leads the way.
  3. If you are lonely, find a person you can help. A small detail is enough. Cater to someone who is lonely aswell at this moment. The gratitude that comes with giving will enchant your heart.
  4. Perceive yourself! Realize that your story is unique. The problems we have are a part of us. If we accept them as a part of ourselves, we will deal with them differently.

Sorrow will turn to gratitude.

We feel chosen. Everything has a meaning. Our heart knows this even if our mind often has trouble keeping up. That`s why we have to lend it a hand sometimes.

And we can pratice this. At best every day.

„The heart has reasons that the mind is not aware of“

Blaise Pascal

Take responsibility and plan. Let`s pull ourselves together. Let`s throw our self pity in the trashcan and take over responsibility for ourselves. This self reliance mixed with deep love even for ourselves will change us. Light candles and show enthusiasm for yourself.

Become your own best friend

You`re worth it!

Plan this day.

Plan 10 moments to fill you with joy.

Some great dinner, a nice phonecall, fancy clothes, preferably shiny, your favorite music, a small trip you plan or a gift for a friend.

Mold, don`t let yourself be molded.

I promise you, you alone will magically turn this day into a wonderful event.


Yours truly,



Christina with a winter coat from Arcanum



Shop the style :

Black winter coat  by Arcanum

Overkness by Public Desire

Golden boots by Public Desire

Black vinyl pants by Arcanum